Reset

I think that’s what the beginning of a new year is all about. A reset. Some frivolity is in order, of course. Or for some, quieter and more reflective activities. I do both.

I could easily stay at home on New Year’s Eve, but among a certain circle of friends I see infrequently the rest of the year, it’s almost an unwritten rule that we must attend a friend’s tacky party and reflect upon the delicious food, the ridiculous white elephant gifts, and outrageous costumery. It’s always worth it.

On New Year’s Day I watch football and reflect on who is going to win the Super Bowl. Football is a tradition passed to me from my mother and I have a solemn duty to uphold it…nevermind that I really like football and feel zero shame.

I do have my reflective moments as the new year begins. This year I have some New Year affirmations, starting with I love and approve of myself. It’s a biggy, actually. I wouldn’t call myself a recluse, but I am certainly not the life of the party. At the new year’s party, for example, every time I started to say to myself, my get-up is stupid, or I don’t fit in with this crowd, or whatever message was traveling through my brain at the time–the way those negative messages do–I simply said, (to myself) I love and approve of myself.

It’s a subtle reset, a mini-new year, if you will. I relaxed. I not only had fun, I was fun.

When someone chided me for drinking tea at 11:30, instead of alcohol, I laughed and said to myself, I love and approve of myself. It doesn’t matter if my friends think tea drinking on New Year’s Eve is silly (a benign example in a world of possible disapprovals we might receive from our friends and family and society). Approving of ourselves is a powerful antidote for insecurity of all kinds.

A second and equally powerful affirmation is, It is okay for me to tell my truth in relationship.

Over breakfast on New Year’s day I told a friend and my husband that I have no trouble telling my truth to them. I do notice a reoccurring theme, however. I have difficulty speaking my truth in more difficult situations (bosses, ex-husbands, powerful people).

My friend refers to it in more graphic terms. “It’s having balls,” she says. “Even us women need to have balls.”

So, I’m all about having balls this coming year. It doesn’t mean blasting people with the truth. Truth is mostly about perspective. It is about recognizing my inner truth and being able to speak it appropriately. It’s about being authentic, which doesn’t mean telling all, but telling what is necessary. I admire my friends who know what to say in the moment simply because they recognize in the moment that something needs to be said. I resolve to get better at that.

Having a voice is also about being able to recognize boundaries and to know when they are violated, speaking in the moment and not waiting and leaving myself and others in an awkward, what-the-hell just happened sort of limbo.

I’ve also reflected on my blog, and where to proceed. If I’m writing about having balls, having voice, I may write more this year about my experiences as a midwife, if no other reason than to talk about why I became a midwife. You guessed it–to give women a voice and a choice.

Grief and grieving may be a reoccurring topic. I want it to be a safe subject and this a safe space to consider grief, to remind others and myself, that it’s all okay. We are a sad bunch at times, and if we could just give each other the compassion to live in those moments without fear and condemnation, we’d all be a lot better off.

As for other topics, I’ll wait for them to unfold.

And now to more typical resolutions: I want to touch others with my writing, help my husband grow his business, and tone my abs. Doesn’t everyone decide to do that on New Year’s. I don’t have to lose weight, (you can throw the tomatoes now), but even skinny people have flabby abs. I don’t have to quit smoking, but I think I’m allergic to wine and might have to stop eating so much chocolate and really should lower my cholesterol, but wow is that a pain in my flat behind.

Happy New Year. May you love and approve of yourself and speak your truth (in kindness), and tone your abs, if that is what you want. But if it isn’t, don’t waste your time. Enjoy that chocolate.

Thank you all for reading this past year. It’s a gift you give to me.